when we're hungry

love will keep us alive, yes, but also, this happens.

i woke up at a reasonable time, had some coffee, bathed the kids, fed the kids, bathed myself, transported the kids to their respective destinations for the day, and set off on my morning commute. all the while i was thinking about food. i was starving. unreasonably so. in fact, food was all i could think about. i didnt want to stop at my beloved mcdonalds had a farm, but i needed food, or i would never make it through my morning without a fairly significant breakdown. "there is a snack shop on the fourth floor," i thought, very relieved. still, i was only half way to work and i was passing bill boards with big macs, sausage biscuits, juicy juice and the like. it was not helping, you advertising people, it was making my life worse. thanks a lot! now infuriated, i pulled (with my last bit of strength) in to the parking lot at work. as i was placing my keys in pocket of my purse, something shiny caught my eye. my pulse quickened. could it be? my hands were trembling as i reached in and fumbled the contents of my purse to find that glimmering piece of flimsy foil that was used to house the delicious twix bar! the anticipation really was too much, i thought, but shortly discovered that what really was too much was the fact that the twix wrapper was empty. empty. i was defeated. devastated. discouraged. dissatisfied. depressed. running late in my misery.
after i put my things down and booted up my computer, i made a bee line for the fourth floor. there was a plethora of delectable treats waiting for me there. i chose the one called "the big Texas" cinnamon roll. not for any reason other than the picture on the wrapper. illustrated on the clear cellophane was a sparkling gold emblem with these words across it "voted pastry of the year five years running". well, clearly, thats the pastry for me.
i carefully (ok, more like a ravenous animal) opened the wrapper and daintily (ferociously) devoured the cinnamon roll. it was fine. not perfect, not terrible, possibly the best pastry five years running -- in its category, that is. that started me wondering: who votes? how many people vote? why didnt i get to vote? i would like that job, voting on pastries. do only the people who work at the big Texas cinnamon roll factory get to vote? are there multiple categories? how does this work? i want in.
then i noticed the 2-foot-tall stack of file folders on my desk and decided that since i was adequately nourished, i started to work.

no. matter. what.

i dont have much to say, really, but its been a while so i plopped down here with my computer to share... well... not much.
my niece turned two this weekend. that was weird. for the first year of her life she lived right across the street, and i literally saw her every day. not so much anymore, she lives a zillion miles away (or 3) and i hardly ever see her. so that makes me sad.
we got a new roof this weekend. thats good. i like new roofs. theyre nice. the process, not so nice. lots of loud banging, but it only lasted a day, so its fine. just fine.
i took a shower. well, more than one. no, really, thats good, impressive, actually. last week i got off of work on wednesday evening, and i didnt have to go back until monday. in that time i took one shower. only because i mowed the lawn and i had dirt in my nose. i didnt really plan to not shower, it just happened. i got busy. these things have to fall in line with the other activities in my life, and it just didnt work out. then tuesday morning was crazy and i didnt shower that day either. i was starting to remember my days as a stay at home mom, with two kids whos ages could be quoted in months. as in "14" and "2" - that sort of thing. showers were hard to come by those days. it was inevitable, as soon as i would start the water, one or both of the babies would start screaming for me. there were days i would call my brother (remember, he lived across the street) and just ask him if he could come over long enough for me to shower. he would, and then he would leave, and i would smell better... until i got puked on, but that doesnt really happen any more.
back to present day - so on tuesday, when i didnt shower, i informed my mom that showers were not the necessity that once i thought they were. she was skeptical about this, but i had tried not showering and found it to be true.
i am sad to inform you that i was wrong. friday, around noon, my baby girl crawled up in my lap after she finished her school day, and snuggled close. after a minute or so, she very sweetly said, "momma, even when you dont take a shower, and you dont smell very good, i dont mind i still love you.
i decided then and there that i should stop trying to make my soap and shampoo go further by not using them.

any given thursday

and so began the rest of my life. my baby girl started her school career this morning at 9 am. these past few weeks have been filled with so much anticipation and anxiety - for both sissy and myself - that i am happy to say that the first day of school went off without a hitch. (which is a funny little saying, but i said it anyway)

nearly every night at bed time, the time for goodnight kisses has been significantly extended by the list of questions about the new school, her tears and "i dont waaaant to goooo". last night i nearly just told her she could stay home and i would never make her go to school. ever.

then this morning came and everything changed.
sissy bounced out of bed and ran to get dressed, had me fix her newly bobbed hair, ate her honey sandwich (the only thing i could convince her to eat on such a momentous occasion) and was headed out the door. i did get her to stop for a few pictures and a short interview on the way, but it wasnt easy.

bub and i, along with her little brother, took her to class, where she marched right in and sat down as if she had been doing this for a hundred years. i was trying to convince myself to swallow the lump in my throat and saying "dont cry, dont cry" under my breath-- and there she was, just as fine as she could be.

while she enjoyed her class, her brother picked out some flowers for her, i cut them and put them in a vase for when she got home. we went shopping for all the things to make spaghetti, which was her meal of choice for the first day of school - and then it was time to pick her up. (her main complaint, and mine, was that school was too short.)

she was very quiet about her day for a while, but soon she started telling me all about sitting at the blue table with all of the boys, her new friends, 'hips and lips', and how to not be a piggy at the water fountain. she colored a heart for her teacher, which she instructed should be kept FOREVER, and she made a discovery.
"mom," she said with a little smirk, "its a really good thing i wore a dress today."
"yes, baby, you look really pretty, im glad you wore that dress," i told her.
"yeah, but its good because i went to potty during class and i noticed that i forgot to take off the bottoms of my pajamas this morning."
i was laughing uncontrollably at this point, and said "thats really funny, baby. i guess it WAS good that you wore that dress today - instead of just pajama bottoms!"

shes got a way about her

She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her
She's got a way of pleasin'
I don't know why it is
But there doesn't have to be a reason anywhere

She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know what it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me
She's got a way of talkin'
I don't know why it is
But it lifts me up when we are walkin' anywhere

She comes to me when I'm feelin' down
Inspires me without a sound
She touches me and I get turned around
She's got a way of showin'
How I make her feel
And I find the strength to keep on goin'
She's got a light around her
And ev'rywhere she goes a million
Dreams of love surround her ev'rewhere

She comes to me when I'm feelin' down
Inspires me without a sound
She touches me, I get turned around oh oh oh

She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know why it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me
She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her any way

thank you, billy joel.

i know, its about a girlie. some girl he loved. i dont know.
but for me, if i left a line out here and there i could sing it about my baby rabbit.
her smile does heal me. she does inspire me without a sound.
shes my amazing rabbit. my baby girl. my eldest. my inspiration.
and she has a loose tooth. she just started cutting teeth last week (according to bub's mom).
next week she will be in kindergarten. the week after that she will be getting married.
she is the funniest person i know. she is sensitive to the point of fragile, but her heart is golden. she loves to take care of her baby brother. she loves to snuggle. she loves to help (she has been asking to meet a person who is handicapped so she can help them get their mail). shes been writing songs about wanting to be a rock star. she cant get enough time in front of the camera, or behind it, for that matter.
she is one amazing little girl and i adore her.
i think i wont let her go to kindergarten. i think i wont let that tooth come out.

Fungal Love

the note before the note is this: bub named it.
i was going to call it "for the love of all that is fungal" but his is easier to say.

tonight was pizza night at the wilson home. as i was cooking, i was singing (in my most italian voice) " 'at's amore" and i know that you are sad that you missed out. 'twas lovely.

the first pizza was nice, nothing out of the ordinary, really, a staple around here: pork sausage and mushroom (except that it usually comes from mazzios, today i made it in my very own oven).
but, oh, the second pizza. it was a copy-cat from one of my favorite pizza joints, and it was out. of. this. world.
we have (quite affectionately, actually) dubbed it the fungal love pizza. this masterpiece includes black truffle oil, fresh spinach, mozzarella, parmesan, grilled chicken, and mushrooms. i was careful not to over-do it with any of these guys, they were very considerate of the others and they blended quite nicely. it was drivin me mad. makin me crazy crazy crazy.
sure. i will make you a pizza. come on over. the singing is negotiable.

dont let me get me

two topics i would like to address today. they are as follows. 1)my hair color 2)my diet. we will begin with the latter, mostly because it segues in to the former better, i should put them in a different order, but i wont. can you please just reverse them for me? thanks.
diet. ok. for the past month i have been trying to be a little more health conscious. i have been watching what i eat and logging it in my net diary (which is a fantastic tool), and have been working out with my friend jillian michaels every - almost every- morning. this morning proved to be a little bit more taxing than usual, and i have two suggestions that may answer the nagging question: WHY? EITHER it was because of the agonizing shin splints i have developed, OR it was a logical way to follow my brilliant food choices from yesterday. these choices were: a trail mix bar for breakfast (not too bad), a few brownies for lunch (not too bad at all), and 3 blueberry muffins for supper (the word bad does not even describe these, unless its being used by michael jackson who has multiple meanings for 'bad' in which case, it could mean 'good'.) i tend to lean more toward the shin splints as the reason for my troubles.

now for the hair. how, you may ask, will i segue these topics? prepare to be amazed by my literary skills.

i have been doing some uncharacteristic things lately, and i think its because of my hair color. (see? like my diet yesterday... i rest my case) i have been brunette for a good part of the past year. today, may hair is blonde though, in case you dont know. i was born blonde. lived most of my life as a blonde. in the past 10 years it has been red, black, pink, blonde, brown, and orange. the last one was a mistake.
currently, as a blonde, i have personified the expected traits with little to no effort. i have found myself typing 'their' when i meant 'they're' (which is something that makes my face contort when i see other people do it) i have been a slow learner, a bad choice maker (refer back to the menu options from yesterday) and i giggle a lot. its very ridiculous, if you ask me. these attributes are tempting me to change my hair color yet again. but not to orange. definitely not orange. or i could just leave it and learn to overcome the inherent nature of a blonde.
wait. never mind. bub just informed me that i am not at all blonde. forget the whole thing.

handle with care

i cook. i love to cook, im a good cook. (obviously, because, in my youth, i swore not to do ANYTHING that i wasnt good at. ~i do very few things)"cooking" is always listed in the "about me" section of any interview or survey i have completed.
now that you know that cooking is my life, you should know that it doesnt always look as if i am at home in the kitchen. take saturday night, for example. i was preparing a new (but ridiculously easy) recipe that should have taken about 23 minutes--give or take. it took a good hour, maybe longer if i have to be completely honest. in the process of preparing this feast, i cut my finger with a very large knife (as if i have never sliced an english muffin before). i filled my kitchen -no, my house- with smoke (and had growing sympathy for my brother-in-law at that moment) the smoke was a result of the blackend bacon on the stove - i do completely blame the stove's inability to cook evenly. it wasnt at all my fault. and i burned my hand. because im super mom and i dont have to use a pot-holder to take a pan out of the 500-degree oven. the meal was a success, and my wounds were taken care of with one single spiderman band-aid. i live to cook another day.