never stop

never stop learning. they say thats the way to go. i have learned a whole stinking lot in the past 6 years (if youre paying attention, you know those are my mommy years). i will share my wisdom in 20 little lines.

1) i have learned that (at least for me) labor and delivery were not the nightmare i expected.
2) breastfeeding is not an effective form of birth control (note the ages of my children - 13 months apart)
3) i have learned what a baby looks like when he/she is hungry, sleepy and poopy.
4) my hip is a cozy place for a child to rest, sit, cry
5) im a terrible cook when im pregnant
6) i have a few very faithful 'cant - live - without - you' friends and they have saved my sanity
7) death is a terrible terrible thing that leaves an awful void
8) im not fun
9) i hate being away from my kids
10) i hate when my kids want bub instead of me (this has been happening more regularly.)
11) kids can be used as an excuse to get out of any undesirable situation
12) my son doesnt care much for hockey
13) having an estate plan in place is really really important
14) i never feel worse about myself than when i fail my kids
15) i've learned that my daughter's faith is often greater than mine
18) messes can be cleaned up - they dont have to just make me mad
19) sleep cycles are ever-changing
20) coffee fixes pretty much everything (my favorite right now is southern comfort flavored coffee. no, it does not contain alcohol. it does taste like a dreamsicle mixed in to coffee when you add cream and sugar, though, and that makes me very happy)

stay warm, friends. i forgot to turn the heater on (what? it was 70 degrees yesterday! i wasnt really prepared for 34...)
im going to make fondant now. we'll see if #21 is 'i learned how to make fondant'. wish me luck.

say what you need to say

it may cause rioting in the streets, but if you dont already know, i will tell you now. i only work 4 days a week, which means i ALWAYS get a 3 day weekend. please maintain control of your jealousy.
it really is a fantastic thing, because fridays are my days to spend with my kids. they have school in the mornings, but for the most part its just me and my two bundles of joy.
sissy will turn 6 in two days, which is a topic i choose not to address at the current moment, but may speak to in a later post. she likes to use words and terms that make her sound older. shes a little sassy. if you know me, you are surprised and falling out of your seats now.
baby boy talks a lot, but he maintains a 4 year old vocabulary (and cuteness). he does have a bad attitude when hes tired, but other than that he might be perfect.
sis has one of those barbie doll heads on a pedestal. you know, the hairstyling kind. she loves to fix that hair and shes really good at it. so yesterday, she was making it all fancy - when she got all finished this is what happened:
she said 'girl, she looks nice so she can go to the cluuuuub.'
me: 'um, what?'
she: 'shes goin to the cluuuub'
me: 'whats a cluuuub?'
she: 'you know, that club mimi goes to, like that'
me: 'oh, the garden club!?
she: 'yeh. the garden club. shes fancy for that.'

and off she went. to the cluuuub.

do you remember the time

i would like to take time to pause and remember michael jackson. if you dont already know, michael was amazing. ok, he was weird-ish, but holy smokes the man could write, sing and dance. i have been thinking about him because i was at zorbas yesterday for lunch, and they played nothing but michael music the entire time i was there. do you know that it is impossible to listen to michael's music and be sad? its true. ive done studies. anyway, there you go. i love you, michael.

it is around this time each month when i get very teary, hungry, nostalgic and my face starts to resemble what my (very encouraging) brother referred to as "the zit farm" when i was an adolescent. i have no idea how i survived my adolescence. there are pictures hidden away from the world that would help you to understand my plight if you were to ever see them, but i sort of refuse to share them.
i went to the eye doctor for the first time when i was 7 and found out that i was legally blind. so i got glasses. as i got older, the glasses got bigger and thicker and i got blinder. (blinder? eh.) after my first eye doctor visit, my eyes stayed dilated for what seemed like weeks. it was at least longer than normal, because i got a boyfriend out of the gig. i dont remember his name or anything about him, i just remember that he told me he was only my boyfriend because he felt sorry for me and the way my eyes looked. maybe thats why i forgot him.
this could explain why - even though my vision is not as good as it should be - i have not gone to the optometrist in over 10 years. 11 years ago i had my vision corrected by a red laser that made a crazy clicking noise. it was the greatest thing ever-- but now my vision getting worse.
i dont know where all of this information comes from, or why i thought i should share it with you, but now you know. now im going to get some coffee because its the right thing to do.

i hope you dance

last night, sissy sang at school. the kindergarten class performed 2 songs which were about 30 seconds a piece. she was very proud. i was very proud. i forgot my video camera, so i cant show you the video, but it was lovely. when she was finished singing, we all made snowmen out of marshmallows and icing. this is a delightful activity... when it works right. our snowmen kept falling over. little brother was getting so frustrated, he started to wail. wailing while building is not at all acceptable and i let him know that i did not approve. i said "really, son?" and he stopped. in mid-wail. we were all glad. since the snowmen kept falling over, i let the kids eat them instead of build them and we went on our merry way.
i THINK today is big trash day, so when we got home from the school the kids and i hauled about 1200 boxes from the garage to the curb. i am not smart enough to turn the light in the garage on, so i left my car in the driveway with the headlights on so we could see the boxes and any other trap lying in the darkness.
sometimes my quirks have their advantages. when sissy got bored with carrying boxes, she decided to dance. she had worn a big blue tutu for her concert and she wanted it to spin. as i was carrying one last load, i saw her dancing and twirling in the light of the headlights with darkness everywhere else. it was as if she was glowing, sparkling; like she was in a dream. it was so divine that i didnt want her to stop. ever.
i took a few pictures with my phone (i was afraid that if i came inside to get my camera, she would follow me and the moment would be lost). they arent the greatest pictures, but they capture exactly who my girl is. she dances as if no one is watching. --even when there is a full house. she sings like nobody's listening. --even when shes in the spotlight.
she is wonderful. she is beautiful. she is brave. she carries my heart in her heart.

Jump!

oh van halen, it really is too early for you, but you have inspired me, so i will use you to my advantage. *as a blog title is all, i dont really know eddie, or anyone in the band, so i cant exactly use them much. they have provided the background music playing in my head right now - along with several killer guitar masterpieces.
i digress.
it happens all the time (says the progressive insurance girl).

i have jumped. jumped in. **enter guitars**
it was a big decision for me, so i have jumped with caution and a safety net.
i over heard a conversation about me one day a few years ago, and the person talking said, "...shes the best cook i know." so what it was my mom talking... so what shes my mom, she has to say that??
it encouraged me to want to cook for more people. you know, a batch of cookies here and there, a plate of scones for the office, a meal for a friend who had surgery or a baby (or both! geeze people). so it began.
people liked my cooking! this was a shock to bub who told me more than once "i dont believe i can eat that, i dont even know what its supposed to be" along with other such quotes as "that is NOT the way my mom makes that." (you will be happy to know that he is still breathing and he did eat each of those meals and he did like them. stinker.)
those days are far behind us -a decade behind us, in fact. now he helps me plan menus and deliver baked goods from hither to yon. he even gets his feelings hurt if i dont let him eat some of the stuff i whip up. things they are achangin'
so now im cooking for cash. baking for bread. stirring for scratch. creating for coin.
you get the picture.
i have several friends who helped me decide to jump, particularly tap and crys. i wouldnt be here without them.

so here i am, jumping -- waiting for what comes next

chorizo and all its glory

i really like chorizo.
the first time i had it was in eggs, and after that first taste, i started making chorizo and eggs at least once a week. i have slowed down just a bit, bu ti still love this orange colored sausage. here's what i do:

Chorizo and Eggs (serves 4)

1/2 of the package of beef chorizo
9 eggs, beaten
8 corn tortillas


in a medium skillet, fry the chorizo. bub asked me one day 'how do you know when its done, it doesnt change color or anything'. you know when the texture changes.
beat the eggs, and add them to the pan - you might have the idea to drain the grease- dont do it. just dont.
scramble the eggs into the chorizo until they are all cooked together and sort of look like orange scrambled eggs.

warm the tortillas (either in a separate dry skillet or in the microwave)
serve 'em up with any side you want -rice, beans, fruit, potatoes, sour cream -- you call it.

what do you do with the second half of the package, you ask? well i will tell you what i would do with it, its totally up to you.
i would save it in a ziploc bag for another day.

Chorizo / Guacamole Burgers-makes 8 burgers

1 1/2 lb lean ground beef
1/2 the package of beef chorizo
black pepper to taste
8 slices of monterrey jack cheese
8 hamburger buns, buttered and toasted
2 avocados
2 roma tomatoes
onion powder to taste

in a mixing bowl, use your hands to combine the ground beef, the chorizo, the black pepper. heat a large skillet to medium high. form the meat mixture into 8 patties (put a hole in the middle of each patty so they dont shrink up). cook for 5-6 minutes, flip, cook another 4 minutes. these are really greasy, so you will want to have a plate with a paper towel handy to place the patties after they cook. top each patty with a slice of cheese. toast the hamburger buns.

in a medium sized bowl smash 2 ripe avocados, dice 2 roma tomatoes, sprinkle in some onion powder. slather guacamole on 4 of the toasted buns. stack the cheesed patty on top and serve it up. -- remember that the chorizo will make the meat look reddish, you might warn anyone who is afraid of rare meat that even though it looks red, its cooked. and deeeeelicious.

you cant always get what you want

i wouldnt consider myself less than content, but bub would disagree. there are two (current) reasons for this. they are these: the entry hall and the master bedroom / bathroom.
well the problem here is easy to identify. i dont know what i want, so clearly, i cant have what i want. when we began the remodeling project in this cozy abode, we started guns blazing. every room got a fresh coat of paint, wall paper was removed - and in some places re-hung, floors were removed and re-installed, cabinets were removed, painted, and replaced -- all in a matter of 3 or 4 weeks.
in that sort of whirl wind, you can imagine that a few things went awry. the wallpaper was removed in the entry hall, and i fully intended to replace it with a fabulous red paper. i dont remember what happened, but something went wrong, maybe i hung it crooked or something, i dont know, but its gone now. i painted it gray. then i painted it yellow (bubs choice. clearly.) now its blue, you know, the color of blue on a blistex tube. i hate it. it will change soon. then there is the floor: we are in the (6 month, to date) process of chiseling out the floor and will replace it with new flooring. some day. when i am old and gray. ((sigh))
the bathroom has a similar story - remove wallpaper, hang wallpaper, remove wallpaper, texture, paint, paint again, paint the cabinets, paint them again, and again. i fully intend to paint again, as i am less than satisfied with the current state of the bathroom.
the bedroom just hasnt had anything changed other than the original coat of paint, which i love. still. - it just needs finishing touches, like pictures, curtains-- that sort of thing. i havent put any up because i didnt know what i wanted.
yesterday we went to the home and garden show. bub may have been dropped on his head as a baby, i dont know, but he WANTED to go. we only made it through 3 of the 5 buildings, but i learned so many things and gained so many ideas--- oh he may rue the day he set foot in the travel and transportation building at the oklahoma state fair grounds. OR he might hail it as a holiday marking the day i finally decided what i wanted in my house and put a stop to the endless list of projects.
im leaning toward the former.
sorry, baby.

the mediterranean grill

im a sucker for any variation of middle eastern cuisine. we checked this place out last spring and enjoyed it, but forgot all about it. this morning i was brushing my teeth and thinking of gyros and spanikopitas - wishing for bub to suggest this little place for lunch.
i didnt mention my craving, and i soon forgot it altogether. we got busy shopping around town and sort of forgot to eat. it happens a lot. what can i say.
then, bub decided it was time to eat and he drove us right over to the mediterranean grill. i was shocked. astounded. amazed. delighted.

we enjoyed a large bowl of tabouli salad - very cool and refreshing
spanikopitas, delicious crispy and creamy just as they should be
falafel - crispy and oh so perfect
khoresht sabzi - warm soup with deep herbal flavors that make me sing
dill rice - oh my golly. i could eat a gallon of this rice. i will be making it soon. for myself. will not share.

oh, and the kids had corn dogs with some of the best french fries this side of halifax.
all around delicious dining experience.

on a scale of 1-5 i give these folks a solid 5
so next time youre in south okc, stop in - you'll be glad you did.

memory

the funniest things transport me to another time. it seems like its always something unexpected that grabs my psyche and takes it to a different place in my life. twice this happened this week.

on tuesday evening, i was trying to wash my baby boy's hair and found that the bottle of kid shampoo was completely empty (i assume from one or both of the kids filling it with water to squirt bubbles here there and everywhere, but i didnt ask). i started a systematic search through the baskets of soap, lotion, bubble bath and staplers (dont know why staplers are in the same basket, but they are.) i found a small bottle of baby magic baby shampoo. i used it. i began to cry. my child got very confused. the somehow forgotten fragrance of baby shampoo took me right back to bathing newborns in the kitchen sink with the gas stove burning because i was terrified that they might get too cold. i was transported to the house we lived in when the kids were toddlers - the bathroom where they piled bubbles on one another's heads and were pulled out of the bath to be wrapped in hooded towels.
i was glad when that little boy was ready to get out of the bath and the flood of memories stopped.

on wednesday night i took another journey through time. (im starting to feel like michael j. fox and bub is looking like christopher lloyd. we're searching auto trader for a delorean)
**ahem**
FOCUS.

wednesday night-- we were at church singing some hymns which i cannot remember at this particular moment. they were hymns from my childhood. it should be noted that i have almost no childhood memories. gone. vanished. no idea why. --for that reason, this trip to my past was exceptionally odd. i grew up in a church where we didnt really sing hymns, at least not in the years i remember. i guess i was probably age 3-age 11 when there were hymns sung consistently and regularly in our church. sitting in church these days is a little odd for me when they veer away from the current choruses.
recently, our family joined a new church. at this church, we sing hymns. so, wednesday night, as we were singing, i tried tried tried to remember the words, and suddenly i knew them all. every word. and i was taken back to a time of outdoor revivals.- i could hear the crickets and smell the fall air. i could see the big white tent set up in the empty lot across from the church of my youth. these were week-long-revivals we called 'the harvest time crusades'. i hadnt thought of these church services, or the friends i sat with, or my mom playing the piano, or my dad helping to raise the tent, or the hundreds of chairs my brothers, our friends and i lined up around that tent in a million years.

fragrance and song--both so powerful to take me back to times or places i had long forgotten. im glad they work that way. im glad to have memories surprise me whether they make me cry or strangely remind me of what the next word to a song will be.

sugar cookies

i may have already told you, but when my grandma was still living, she made all of us grandkids valentine cookies. lots of valentine cookies. you also may or may not know that she wrote me a cookbook when i was first married. in that cookbook she wrote her recipe for sugar cookies - one of the many flavors of valentine cookies that showed up at my house year after year.
i used that recipe today, and i thought you might want to use it sometime soon, too.

1 C shortening
1 C sugar
1 tsp salt
2 tsp lemon zest (from 2 lemons)
2 eggs
4 Tsp milk
4 C flour
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp baking powder

in a large bowl, cream together sugar, shortening, salt and lemon zest.
add eggs and milk, set aside.
in a separate bowl, sift together flour, baking soda, baking powder.
gradually mix dry ingredients into wet ingredients (if you dont have a mixer, this will be your workout for the day)

pre-heat the oven to 350

on a clean, flat surface, roll the dough out to about 1/4 inch thick. i used a 2 inch round cookie cutter to cut out cookies and ended up with about 3 dozen cookies. use whatever cookie cutter you like, but it could change the final cookie count (same thing happens if you tend to consume cookie dough instead of rolling it out again)

cook these for about 15-18 minutes - take them out when they start to look just the slightest bit brown.
cool on a rack before frosting.
grandma always used strawberry cake frosting (which is absolutely delightful) if you use cake frosting, let the cookies sit out until the frosting is a little bit hard. you can also make royal icing (also delightful) if you're going to really get fancy when you decorate. these cookies make me happy.

rainy days and mondays

in spite of a few minor set-backs, we have nearly made it to friday this week. i have little recollection of monday due to some sort of malfunction in my ear that caused me to be ridiculously dizzy (i took several variations of sinus meds which may have influenced my thought processes and memory... whatever.) i know that monday happened for a few reasons: 'friends' were making fun of me on tuesday and i had responses to emails --which i did not remember sending. oy. im an idiot.
monday was also the day i (sort of) locked my keys in the car (thank you cindy for crawling through the car to let me in).
at about 3am- i lost my kid. heres how that went down:
starting around 2am - sissy came to my room and asked if she could snuggle daddy. i said no. he said sure. (grrr)
by and by, little brother came in wanting to sleep in our bed. i said no. he walked away (and my heart broke).
*some important information here: sissy sleeps like a wild monkey. all over the bed. arms, legs across my neck all over the place*
- so i gave up. i decided to let bub and sis have the bed, and i would sleep with the baby boy.
i got to his room -- he wasnt there. i thought maybe he went to sissy's bed. nope. couch? no. bathtub? no sir.
ok- im not just the most rational person at noon, so imagine me at 3am with a missing son. its not pretty. i was running through the house turning lights on throwing blankets back calling his name - you can imagine. i was a little bit afraid that he was mad when i told him to back to his room and decided to join the circus. i was ready to start checking windows and doors.
bub just asked what i was doing - when i said i couldnt find brother, he said ok --- and went back to sleep. hes very helpful.
i didnt want to turn the lights in my bedroom on, so i was working with very little illumination, but i saw the corner of my baby boy's blanket sticking out from under my bed. i lifted up the bed skirt and saw that precious angel. remember, i had told him he couldnt sleep IN my bed, but i never said he couldnt sleep UNDER my bed. i drug him out and he got very upset about the fact that he was going to his room, but i stayed with him the rest of the night/morning. i held that child very close to me.
i was glad to see day light and glad to know that monday was well behind me.

delish.

The thing about including food in my blog is this: i get distracted and i eat the food completely forgetting the blogging part.
You will be glad to know that i HAVE been cooking, and here is my latest 'keeper' of a recipe. it can be altered to your liking, which is always a perk for me since i tend to make recipes my own rather than following them step by step.

Stirfry. it is easy and fast so fast, in fact, that i had to get my baby boy back out of the bath that bub had just run for him because it came together way faster than i expected it to.

Though PW uses snow peas and beef, you could throw in chicken, cabbage and cashews or broccoli and beef and red peppers - the possibilities are endless. This sauce is very versatile and will make any stir-fried dish dynamite. --OH, and i added 3 cloves of minced garlic to the PW version. This will make you very happy.

foodie

what if i were a foodie? what if i went to restaurants - you know, the ones off the beaten path - and told you all about them? i wouldnt talk about the chili's of the world, not even the pf changs or the cheesecake factories.
i might want to let you in on little known local mexican spots, like taco vaca or ables -
maybe i would tell tales of new swanky spots on classen curve-
its possible that i will write to you about dives i check out when im away from the 405.
(not so likely since i dont often leave the 405, but im keeping my options open)

i will be critical but honest about the foods i experience and do my best to give an accurate review.

when im not out and about trying this or that, i will share recipes with you. i will tell you what i cook and how it turns out. i will tell you if you should or should not make it for your adoring children and darling husband/wife (whatever the case may be) or for your neighbors, cronies, even complete strangers.

this is my next undertaking. hang on to your hats.

always on my mind

maybe i didnt treat you quite as good as i could have
maybe i didnt love you quite as often as i should have
little things i should have said and done
i just never took the time
but you were always on my mind
you were always on my mind

birthdays are odd little things, arent they? well maybe not for everyone, but they are for me. maybe because mine is so close to the start of a new year, i tend to get in a funk. because im funky.
**i promise this will be the last blog for at least a year that references my birthday.**

birthdays and new years cause me to look back on successes and failures of the past year and sometimes they make me want to be better, sometimes they make me want to give up and settle into my funkiness. this past year was fairly awful, if you want to know the truth. without telling you all the sordid details of my life i will just say "it was bad."
i lost some friends, i lost some loved ones, i lost some faith, lost some determination, lost some confidence (in myself and in those around me), i lost some weight - but i found it again- dont worry, i lost a dog, lost a whole bag full of purses - that was weird, just about mostly lost my mind.
im not exactly a glass half full kind of girl, but im planning for this next year to be better. it started off well with a zillion 'happy birthdays' from friends, neighbors and co-workers. i had dinner with my very good friend, and i got to hear from a girlie i truly never expected to hear from again.
we had a long talk (by talk, i mean text) and i cried. not a sad cry, but a thankful cry. shes always on my mind. every day. losing her friendship tore my heart in half. it was good to hear from her and see that all is not lost.

onward and upward, here we go.

quitter

i was talking to one of my girlfriends yesterday (and by 'talking', know that i mean emailing. i dont talk to my friends. ever. so if youre my friend and notice that you havent heard my voice lately, you are not alone.)
she was asking how i was and all, blah blah you know, the way friends do. shes one of those friends who can ask how i am and expect the real answer, and she always knows when the answer i give her isnt the real answer. hence the reason i dont talk to her. she knows me too well. she knew (as some of you do) that i had been fairly committed to working out back in the summer. i told her i quit. its what i do. i start something, then i quit. usually i quit doing the things that are good for me -like exercising. (but people get hurt doing that sort of thing, so maybe its not so good)
im not a smoker, so i havent quit smoking.
not an alcoholic (contrary to some rumors, talk, 'prayer requests' and the like) not much of a drinker at all, so im not a quitter in that regard.
i havent quit coming to work (yet)
i havent quit being married (and have no intention of doing so)
i havent quit wearing black on my birthday
i havent quit feeding my cat (for which she is grateful)

but i did quit exercising. my weight loss and healthy living goals were not realized this year. the plan was to 'get there' by my birthday. eh. not so much.

i also havent quit coffee. i will not. i cannot. it keeps me alive.

rock and roll never forgets

i am grateful for bob seger and all those other rockers who layed such a foundation for rock and roll. even more grateful today as i wait with such anticipation for what tomorrow brings. tomorrow. tis my 32nd birthday. at some point, and im not sure when i began to loathe birthdays. i remember wearing all black on my 20th birthday in protest of the celebration that was sure to follow where ere i'd go. i didnt wear black because i didnt want to get older, or because i was being morbid, i just did not want anyone to mistake me for a happy-go-lucky birthday girl. (as if they would to begin with.)

as a side note, last year some poor chap who didnt know me at all attached the word 'bubbly' to me. as in 'you're bubbly, lets have you do something cute' in the video we were shooting for work. weird-o.

back to bob. i heard this song the other day and thought about how true it was for me at this juncture. (not gonna do it, wouldnt be prudent--thats what i think when i use the word 'juncture')
anyway- replace 31 with 32, and though it doesnt rhyme, you are likely to make the mistake as i did and assume ol bob wrote this song just for me.

so youre a little bit older and a lot less bolder
than you used to be
so you used to shake 'em down
but now you stop and think about your dignity
so now sweet sixteen's turned 31
you get to feelin weary when the work days done
well all you got to do is get up and into your kicks
if youre in a fix
rock and roll never forgets
you better get yourself a partner
go down to the concert or the local bar
check the local newspapers
chances are you wont have to go too far
yeah the rafters will be ringing cause the beats so strong
the crowd will be swaying and singing along
and all you got to do is get in into the mix
if you need a fix
come back baby
rock and roll never forgets
oh the bands still playing it lound and lean
listen to the guitar player makin it scream
all you got to do is just make that scene tonight
heh tonight
well now sweet sixteens turned 31
feel a little tired feeling under the gun
well all chuck's children are out there playin his licks
get into your kicks
come back baby
rock and roll never forgets

see what i mean. i need to go find something black to wear tomorrow. you probably know that with the current contents of my closet finding something black should not be a problem. no, the problem will be finding something black that fits.
thank you for your time