my darling husband asked me if i had cocaine for lunch. the answer, of course, was no. he asked because i got home from an historic homes tour and started cleaning -- really, really cleaning my house. bub had taken the little man to watch a movie, and when they got home, the kitchen both bathrooms (including the shower. i hate the shower), the vacuuming, and some - not quite all - of the dusting had all been done. i had sworn that i would not even attempt to clean the house until the entry way tile had been cleared out and the floor was finished. i didnt decide this just out of spite. the ridiculous air hammer busts out the concrete and tile in such a way that the entire house is covered with a delightful layer of red dust. gag me.
we started this project of tearing out and re-doing the entry hall about 7 weeks ago. before you gross out, yes, i have cleaned my house in that time period, but not all that thoroughly. i dont know if you are anything like me, but there comes a time in every girls life when shes just had enough. for me, that was yesterday. i was done with the dust. finished with the filth. had it up to here with uncleanliness. so i fixed it. it was lovely.
this morning, bub started up the ol' air compressor and chiseled away on the floor. ((sigh))
also noteworthy is this little tasty morsel: i am starting a lawn care service. since it is now fall, i decided to scalp the lawn. it looks so pretty. i mowed it twice, in a criss-cross pattern, just because i wanted to. seeing as how the yard wont be manicured for another several months, i wanted to make 'er pretty. i was happy with my work, until i saw the edges. there were creepy little fingers of grass runners taking over my drive way. by taking over, i mean that there was at least 4 inches of over-grown grass expanding on to my drive! excuse me, grass, you dont belong.
i dont have an edger. i dont have a weed-eater. i do have scissors. if you drive by and dont think that this is the most beautifully scissor-edged lawn in the neighborhood, just keep it to yourself. i am so proud. you, too, can have a lawn like mine. i will be happy to service your lawn. it will only take me one entire day. thats for the front. my fingers are bruised. good night.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
save you
if you didnt know already, october is breast cancer awareness month. its also time for fall, halloween, pumpkin spice lattes, hoodies, football and comfort foods.
im 31. i have never had an october mean anything to me but cooler temperatures, pumpkins and mums. i was a little confused last year when i found out that the new halloween colors were green and purple, but that is neither here nor there. unless 'there' is stupid-town. who decided purple and green were fall-ish, or halloween-ish? wierd. whatever.
like i said, im 31. i have not been to see a doctor (other than my father-in-law who i see weekly) in almost 5 years. i dont like to go. i dont like to be examined in any way, shape or form.
a few weeks ago, bub told me that he scheduled a mammogram for me. there was a mobile mammogram thing-a-ma-jig that was coming to his work and would do free mammograms for employees and their spouses. gee. thanks, bub.
it was quick and painless (and very discreet, surprisingly) and i was on my way. the nice lady told me that she would mail my results in 2 weeks, blah blah blah. im 31 i dont care. i came because my husband told me to. thanks for the pink pen that says "the best protection is early detection," i'll take two. thanks. what?? theyre pretty. and i gave one to my friend. shes welcome.
10 days later the breast care center called, and said they saw something that they wanted to get a closer look at. well isnt that delightful. another - more extensive (and squishing) mammogram and an ultrasound. the thing i appreciated about todays visit, was that i got the results today, too. --well, that and that the staff was very friendly and kind. thats a plus for a girl who doesnt like people... or doctors offices.
the result was this: benign; fibroadenoma that should be re-checked in 6 months. my favorite part was 'benign'. i like that word. more than people, more than doctors, i hate I HATE cancer. anyway, they gave me a rose on the way out, i went to pick the kids up from school, i ate lunch at panera, and took a nap. a very normal friday afternoon after a not-so-normal friday morning.
~so, really, thanks, bub.
even if youre 31, at least do self-exams http://www.cancer.org/Cancer/BreastCancer/DetailedGuide/breast-cancer-detection . maybe even schedule a mammogram, even if youre 31
im 31. i have never had an october mean anything to me but cooler temperatures, pumpkins and mums. i was a little confused last year when i found out that the new halloween colors were green and purple, but that is neither here nor there. unless 'there' is stupid-town. who decided purple and green were fall-ish, or halloween-ish? wierd. whatever.
like i said, im 31. i have not been to see a doctor (other than my father-in-law who i see weekly) in almost 5 years. i dont like to go. i dont like to be examined in any way, shape or form.
a few weeks ago, bub told me that he scheduled a mammogram for me. there was a mobile mammogram thing-a-ma-jig that was coming to his work and would do free mammograms for employees and their spouses. gee. thanks, bub.
it was quick and painless (and very discreet, surprisingly) and i was on my way. the nice lady told me that she would mail my results in 2 weeks, blah blah blah. im 31 i dont care. i came because my husband told me to. thanks for the pink pen that says "the best protection is early detection," i'll take two. thanks. what?? theyre pretty. and i gave one to my friend. shes welcome.
10 days later the breast care center called, and said they saw something that they wanted to get a closer look at. well isnt that delightful. another - more extensive (and squishing) mammogram and an ultrasound. the thing i appreciated about todays visit, was that i got the results today, too. --well, that and that the staff was very friendly and kind. thats a plus for a girl who doesnt like people... or doctors offices.
the result was this: benign; fibroadenoma that should be re-checked in 6 months. my favorite part was 'benign'. i like that word. more than people, more than doctors, i hate I HATE cancer. anyway, they gave me a rose on the way out, i went to pick the kids up from school, i ate lunch at panera, and took a nap. a very normal friday afternoon after a not-so-normal friday morning.
~so, really, thanks, bub.
even if youre 31, at least do self-exams http://www.cancer.org/Cancer/BreastCancer/DetailedGuide/breast-cancer-detection . maybe even schedule a mammogram, even if youre 31
Thursday, September 30, 2010
W.O.M.A.N.
yesterday, i was feeling very accomplished. i got out of bed, and immediately began marking things off my list. first things first, i started the coffee (which takes about 30 seconds, and for that i am grateful) and medicated my small whining boy with a bit of pepto bismol, then i really got going. when all was said and done, i had cleaned the kitchen, washed AND folded a load of laundry, cleaned up the living room, had ingredients set out for dinner so bub could have it going when i got home (this takes a lot of time ya'll. i like to leave no room for error) packed the kids' back packs with homework (which i really think is stupid for pre-k and kindergarten), flipped sissy's hair (she asked me to, then decided she hated it and asked me to flip it back. not a chance.) i showered, got dressed and was out the door without being late, without major conflict, with a new found love for mornings. well, with as much as i can love mornings.
i didnt have to shampoo my hair yesterday, that gave me an extra half hour i guess.
i was so inspired by myself that i got up early again today. i havent done anything yet but catch up with pioneer woman, and start the washing machine, but its something. it is something. and i have to shampoo my hair. im already running out of time. i have to get everything ready so i can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan. --ok, i might not actually bring home the bacon, its at brandye's house. and shes sorta busy- im fairly sure shes never there. i hope they have room in their freezer to store it til winter. i should call. maybe not right now. its morning time. she has 3 girls. not the best hour for a bacon pick-up-coordination-phone call.
i'll have my coffee instead.
and shampoo my hair.
i didnt have to shampoo my hair yesterday, that gave me an extra half hour i guess.
i was so inspired by myself that i got up early again today. i havent done anything yet but catch up with pioneer woman, and start the washing machine, but its something. it is something. and i have to shampoo my hair. im already running out of time. i have to get everything ready so i can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan. --ok, i might not actually bring home the bacon, its at brandye's house. and shes sorta busy- im fairly sure shes never there. i hope they have room in their freezer to store it til winter. i should call. maybe not right now. its morning time. she has 3 girls. not the best hour for a bacon pick-up-coordination-phone call.
i'll have my coffee instead.
and shampoo my hair.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
the cinnamon rolls that changed my life
i've been on a long search for a cinnamon roll recipe worthy of the effort it takes to actually produce these babies! here is what i came up with...
Cinnamon Rolls
Yields 2 dozen rolls
For the dough:
2/3 C warm water
3T (or 3 packages) yeast
2 sticks unsalted butter, softened (plus 2-3T more for buttering pans)
2 eggs, beaten
2C milk
1C white sugar
2T salt
8C flour
For the filling:
2C brown sugar
2 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
Sprinkling Cinnamon (about 2T once you’re done)
1C chopped pecans (optional)
For the icing:
3-4C powdered sugar
1T vanilla extract
½ C milk
In a small bowl, mix yeast and warm water, and set that aside. Scald the milk, and then pour it over the butter. (this should be done in the bowl you will be mixing the dough in – it has to be fairly large. If you have a mixer, that bowl will work.) After the milk is added to the butter, pour in the beaten eggs, the sugar, and the salt. Allow this mixture to cool to tepid, and stir until just mixed. One cup at a time, start adding the flour. Mix after adding each cup until the flour is well incorporated. Let the dough sit for a few minutes, then knead it well until it is fairly elastic.
Use a few tsp of oil, and coat the inside of another large mixing bowl. Transfer the dough to this bowl and cover with a kitchen towel. Let it rise for 1-1 ½ hours in a warm-ish spot. (this is when I turn my oven on to pre-heat and set the bowl on the stove so some of the heat warms the dough – but if your kitchen is warmer than mine you don’t have to start pre-heating just yet.)
When the dough has doubled in size, punch it down and divide in half. On a floured surface, roll the dough into a large rectangle about 12 x 30. Use one stick of room temperature butter and smooth it over the surface of the dough using your fingers a spoon or spatula. Make a thick layer with 1C brown sugar and sprinkle cinnamon and nuts. Roll this beautiful creation into a log, pinching the seam when you get to the end. It is perfectly acceptable, at this point, to pinch off a section of the buttered, sugared dough and sample it. Just to make sure its ok. With a sharp knife, cut about 1-1 ½ inch rolls and place in a buttered 9x13 pan. Allow the rolls to rise another 30 minutes, until they are smooshed together and just to the top of the pan. They will look lovely. Bake in a 350 oven for 15-20 minutes. Repeat this process with the other half of the dough.
** unless you don’t want to. You could use the remaining dough for dinner rolls. If you choose to do that, roll them in balls and freeze, or bake until just browned. Also, if you make these you won’t need as much filling or icing**
While the rolls are baking, you can mix up the icing. In a sauce pan, heat the powdered sugar, milk and vanilla stirring often ( or constantly depending on how nervous you are about burning things…) when the icing is smooth, set it aside and wait patiently for the rolls to be done. Pour immediately over hot rolls.
Cinnamon Rolls
Yields 2 dozen rolls
For the dough:
2/3 C warm water
3T (or 3 packages) yeast
2 sticks unsalted butter, softened (plus 2-3T more for buttering pans)
2 eggs, beaten
2C milk
1C white sugar
2T salt
8C flour
For the filling:
2C brown sugar
2 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
Sprinkling Cinnamon (about 2T once you’re done)
1C chopped pecans (optional)
For the icing:
3-4C powdered sugar
1T vanilla extract
½ C milk
In a small bowl, mix yeast and warm water, and set that aside. Scald the milk, and then pour it over the butter. (this should be done in the bowl you will be mixing the dough in – it has to be fairly large. If you have a mixer, that bowl will work.) After the milk is added to the butter, pour in the beaten eggs, the sugar, and the salt. Allow this mixture to cool to tepid, and stir until just mixed. One cup at a time, start adding the flour. Mix after adding each cup until the flour is well incorporated. Let the dough sit for a few minutes, then knead it well until it is fairly elastic.
Use a few tsp of oil, and coat the inside of another large mixing bowl. Transfer the dough to this bowl and cover with a kitchen towel. Let it rise for 1-1 ½ hours in a warm-ish spot. (this is when I turn my oven on to pre-heat and set the bowl on the stove so some of the heat warms the dough – but if your kitchen is warmer than mine you don’t have to start pre-heating just yet.)
When the dough has doubled in size, punch it down and divide in half. On a floured surface, roll the dough into a large rectangle about 12 x 30. Use one stick of room temperature butter and smooth it over the surface of the dough using your fingers a spoon or spatula. Make a thick layer with 1C brown sugar and sprinkle cinnamon and nuts. Roll this beautiful creation into a log, pinching the seam when you get to the end. It is perfectly acceptable, at this point, to pinch off a section of the buttered, sugared dough and sample it. Just to make sure its ok. With a sharp knife, cut about 1-1 ½ inch rolls and place in a buttered 9x13 pan. Allow the rolls to rise another 30 minutes, until they are smooshed together and just to the top of the pan. They will look lovely. Bake in a 350 oven for 15-20 minutes. Repeat this process with the other half of the dough.
** unless you don’t want to. You could use the remaining dough for dinner rolls. If you choose to do that, roll them in balls and freeze, or bake until just browned. Also, if you make these you won’t need as much filling or icing**
While the rolls are baking, you can mix up the icing. In a sauce pan, heat the powdered sugar, milk and vanilla stirring often ( or constantly depending on how nervous you are about burning things…) when the icing is smooth, set it aside and wait patiently for the rolls to be done. Pour immediately over hot rolls.
girls just wanna have fun
been thinking about my girlfriends lately. if you have spent much time with me at all, you have heard me say at least once (or a hundred times) "i dont like people." its true, i dont . there are a few exceptions, though.
as i was watching sissy walk in to her school, i started thinking about the girls i have known since i was her age. it was an interesting perspective. there are not many ladies i have known since i was 5 (or 6 or 10) that i still keep up with. at least i could (usually) tell you what town they live in, at best i can tell you their husband's name and how many kids they have. such a strange thing to look around and see that all i have in common with most of those girls anymore is that we grew up together. so many of those friendships made me who i am, got me through the angst of my teenage years, offered the stability that only life-long friendships can offer. in the past several years (you can call them adult years, i choose not to) there have been more girls who have worked their way into my affections. (lets face it, they didnt have to work. if it had taken work i would have decided early on that i didnt like them. i am just that cranky. --my uncle even dared to call me judgmental.) with our busy, crazy lives, my contact with them has been reduced to the every-so-often text message or email. even though i dont see them... ever.... i know they would take on the world for me, and i would do the same for them.
these are the girls i talked with about baby dolls, b b guns, boys, ball games, brown hair, blonde hair, big hair, bobbed hair, bible, boys, broken hearts, breaking hearts, baptism, books, brothers, bin-laden, bombing, boys, bus rides, budgets, bosses, bereavement, beverages, baking, breast cancer, bikinis, babies, breast feeding, bellies, butts, boobs, bad days, better days, and ok, there are only so many things that begin with 'b', but you get the idea.
i love my girls. with all my heart.
as i was watching sissy walk in to her school, i started thinking about the girls i have known since i was her age. it was an interesting perspective. there are not many ladies i have known since i was 5 (or 6 or 10) that i still keep up with. at least i could (usually) tell you what town they live in, at best i can tell you their husband's name and how many kids they have. such a strange thing to look around and see that all i have in common with most of those girls anymore is that we grew up together. so many of those friendships made me who i am, got me through the angst of my teenage years, offered the stability that only life-long friendships can offer. in the past several years (you can call them adult years, i choose not to) there have been more girls who have worked their way into my affections. (lets face it, they didnt have to work. if it had taken work i would have decided early on that i didnt like them. i am just that cranky. --my uncle even dared to call me judgmental.) with our busy, crazy lives, my contact with them has been reduced to the every-so-often text message or email. even though i dont see them... ever.... i know they would take on the world for me, and i would do the same for them.
these are the girls i talked with about baby dolls, b b guns, boys, ball games, brown hair, blonde hair, big hair, bobbed hair, bible, boys, broken hearts, breaking hearts, baptism, books, brothers, bin-laden, bombing, boys, bus rides, budgets, bosses, bereavement, beverages, baking, breast cancer, bikinis, babies, breast feeding, bellies, butts, boobs, bad days, better days, and ok, there are only so many things that begin with 'b', but you get the idea.
i love my girls. with all my heart.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
cold as ice
the first day of fall came and went with not much change in the temperature or clothing selection. today, however, its a fantastic 54 degrees outside and we're breaking out the long sleeves to wear to church. my kids could not be more excited. for some reason, they have been asking to wear long sleeves and sweaters for weeks now. finally they get their chance.but what will they wear?! its a hard decision, with all of these new things to choose from! that little man was so happy when i told him that after church he could change in to another long sleeved shirt (one that would not require an iron or the words "dont get dirty") -i fear the laundry that follows all the wardrobe changes that accompany this season change.
sis went out to ride her bike this morning (at 7:30 because shes crazy) not expecting anything different from last night when she was wearing sorts and a t-shirt. after only a few minutes she came running back inside with snot dripping from her nose. i told her she was gross, and asked what in the world she was doing. "well, i had to blow it out because i was afraid it was frozen in there," she simply explained. its gonna be a long hard winter. except, i guess she wont be riding her bike at 7:30 am when its 5 below. if she was doing that, i would voluntarily submit my letter of resignation and join the ranks of failed mothers.
im fairly sure that pancho (the big black labrador retriever that lives in my house) is depressed. he skulks around the house from one place to the next and flops himself down with a big sigh. the only excitement i have seen out of him today was when sissy held the cat up to his face and taunted him with the notion of possibly having a play mate. that big dog bounced and wagged all over the place. awfully sure that the cat was not having as much fun, i strongly encouraged sis to put her down. she looked like one of those halloween cats with their back arched and tail sticking up (and shes all black) running around the house scared to death. i dont know where she is now, shes in hiding. terrified, im sure, of the little girl who threatened to hand her over to the monster-dog.
so far, sunday morning has been pretty entertaining around here. so much awaits us with church, baking, chiseling and very possibly, football.
(oh, there goes the cat. shes fine. gazing, dreaming, wishing sitting in the window imagining a life outside these walls)
sis went out to ride her bike this morning (at 7:30 because shes crazy) not expecting anything different from last night when she was wearing sorts and a t-shirt. after only a few minutes she came running back inside with snot dripping from her nose. i told her she was gross, and asked what in the world she was doing. "well, i had to blow it out because i was afraid it was frozen in there," she simply explained. its gonna be a long hard winter. except, i guess she wont be riding her bike at 7:30 am when its 5 below. if she was doing that, i would voluntarily submit my letter of resignation and join the ranks of failed mothers.
im fairly sure that pancho (the big black labrador retriever that lives in my house) is depressed. he skulks around the house from one place to the next and flops himself down with a big sigh. the only excitement i have seen out of him today was when sissy held the cat up to his face and taunted him with the notion of possibly having a play mate. that big dog bounced and wagged all over the place. awfully sure that the cat was not having as much fun, i strongly encouraged sis to put her down. she looked like one of those halloween cats with their back arched and tail sticking up (and shes all black) running around the house scared to death. i dont know where she is now, shes in hiding. terrified, im sure, of the little girl who threatened to hand her over to the monster-dog.
so far, sunday morning has been pretty entertaining around here. so much awaits us with church, baking, chiseling and very possibly, football.
(oh, there goes the cat. shes fine. gazing, dreaming, wishing sitting in the window imagining a life outside these walls)
Saturday, September 25, 2010
i am not afraid
lots of girls get all germ-a-phobic when they have kids. i didnt. im not afraid of germs. if one of the kids' pacifiers fell to the floor, i might or might not wipe it off on my shirt before i put it back in their (screaming) mouths.
sometimes when food is recalled, eggs, for example, people get nervous. i dont. i go buy eggs by the truck load. im not scared.
my grandma sends newspaper articles to my house warning me about everything from preservatives in canned foods to baby carrots. i dont care. i throw them away and move on with my life.
there may be ladies who would never pick up a sledge hammer and start whacking away at their tile entry way. i did. i figure i can fix anything.
i have met a few folks who would feel that there was cause for concern if they saw their husband hanging from the kitchen ceiling kicking the beams down in order to 'fix it'. i laughed and grabbed my camera.
most people wouldnt grab a pair of scissors and cut their hair off to 2 inches long and dye it maroon. i. am. not. afraid.
i hyperventilate when bub drives on the really high up over pass.
i cant look when the kids ride the ferris wheel.
all of the sudden, im terrified of roller coasters.
anxiety attacks are familiar friends of mine - sometimes for no apparent reason.
i get the hee-bee-gee-bees when i see spiders. especially tarantulas.
to illustrate that last point, i will tell you the following story:
when i was mowing the lawn earlier today i stopped the mower and scurried across the yard as if some someone had poked me with a cattle prod. there it was. all wadded up in a fuzzy looking ball. i knew that it would have been at least 6 inches across if its legs werent bent up underneath it. -- well, if it had legs to begin with. bub was nice enough to point out that it wasnt a terrifying tarantula at all. it was a pine cone that had been run over several times. it was terrifying.
sometimes when food is recalled, eggs, for example, people get nervous. i dont. i go buy eggs by the truck load. im not scared.
my grandma sends newspaper articles to my house warning me about everything from preservatives in canned foods to baby carrots. i dont care. i throw them away and move on with my life.
there may be ladies who would never pick up a sledge hammer and start whacking away at their tile entry way. i did. i figure i can fix anything.
i have met a few folks who would feel that there was cause for concern if they saw their husband hanging from the kitchen ceiling kicking the beams down in order to 'fix it'. i laughed and grabbed my camera.
most people wouldnt grab a pair of scissors and cut their hair off to 2 inches long and dye it maroon. i. am. not. afraid.
i hyperventilate when bub drives on the really high up over pass.
i cant look when the kids ride the ferris wheel.
all of the sudden, im terrified of roller coasters.
anxiety attacks are familiar friends of mine - sometimes for no apparent reason.
i get the hee-bee-gee-bees when i see spiders. especially tarantulas.
to illustrate that last point, i will tell you the following story:
when i was mowing the lawn earlier today i stopped the mower and scurried across the yard as if some someone had poked me with a cattle prod. there it was. all wadded up in a fuzzy looking ball. i knew that it would have been at least 6 inches across if its legs werent bent up underneath it. -- well, if it had legs to begin with. bub was nice enough to point out that it wasnt a terrifying tarantula at all. it was a pine cone that had been run over several times. it was terrifying.
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