man in the mirror

if you know me well, you know that i am a michael jackson FAN. lyrically, musically, there is no one who even comes close to his artistry.
recently, i have been faced with several... we will call them 'opportunities', to examine the man (ahem. woman) in the mirror and honestly evaluate exactly what i saw.
i cant say that its been easy to work through some of the things i found in myself - the places i fail, the parts of me i hate, the not-so-endearing traits i have recognized. i can trace some of the roots of attributes of my personality to specific places in time, even to specific people.
some days it was hard to look in the mirror, and some days i didnt do it.

i have a strange habit of looking at one part at a time. if i am putting on eye make up, i only look at my eyes. if i am curling my hair, i only look at my hair. i seldom, if ever, look at the whole picture. sometimes i realize later in the day that i forgot one part or another and realize i dont look the way i thought i did.

it can be overwhelming to look at all of my faults and try to fix them all at once, i guess thats reflected in the way i get ready for my day-- looking at one thing at a time.

when i started blogging, i decided that i didnt want to use my blog as a soap-box or as a place to air my grievances - thats part of the reason for my haitus. i didnt have many nice things to say. i wasnt funny. i wasnt uplifting. i wasnt any of the things i hoped to be.
today im a little bit changed. im hoping that i can avoid criticism where there is not also compassion. im hoping that i can start to see my life as an opportunity instead of as a daily struggle.