think of me

as you sit there, like me, pondering the questions of life, think of me.
think of me waking up at 430 to a coughing, teeth grinding, wiggly little girl who was snuggled up in my bed. she does this. coughs her little lungs out. since she was a year old, she has coughed so hard that she would make herself throw up. shes used to it, the whole thing is no big deal to her -- but to her momma it is always a big deal. (even a bigger deal when she wakes me up at 430...) i keep thinking she will grow out of it, but so far she has not. i know its allergies and drainage and blah blah blah, nothing to be all that concerned about. anyway, i was awake and thinking about all the things that i think about. i did go back to sleep, and now i dont remember what most of my riveting questions were. i had all intentions of writing to you about them with hopes that you had the answers.

after my balanced breakfast of a cup of coffee and a no-bake cookie, i seem to have lost all focus. i have no idea why. i cant remember what i was thinking about 3 hours and a few dreams ago.
that little boy came in and announced that he had peed on his bed and in his pajamas. he asked if he needed to change clothes. i said yes.
sissy came in and announced that she had been coughing and sleeping in my bed. yes, i know.

if only those 430 musings were so easy and obvious as these.

a few of my favorite things

in regards to favorite things, i would like to state, for the record, that coffee is pulling its weight. it keeps me happy, indeed. thats not what i sat down to write about, though. its just what i was thinking about when i got out of bed and that nectar of life is working its magic as my fingers find their way to the keys to type out the things i really wanted you to know about. its still dark in here, after all, and mickey mouse clubhouse is on the tv... i need all the help i can get.

as an additional side note, you should know that my baby's morning breath is no longer that sweet baby breath i used to love. it would be a good idea for him to go ahead and brush his teeth.

i should focus. like i said, its early.

my dear auntie let me know that she missed my writing. my most honest answer was 'i havent had anything nice to say.' its been a long and exhausting month around here, folks. when i started blogging, i purposed to avoid the cranky, the sad, the negative. since you all know me as me and not just as a blogger, you know this can pose a problem. in these past weeks, particularly, i have struggled to be uplifting. i now have something nice to say, and by golly i will say it. there needs to be some groundwork though, its not so happy--

three days ago, bub and his brothers officiated a funeral service for their grandma. as a result of a massive brain hemmorage, granny fought for her life for 3 weeks. God, in His mercy, took her to heaven last tuesday night. granny's illness and subsequent death was rather similar to the illness and death of my own grandma, who i lost two years ago.

bub, the kids and i returned home friday night exhausted. on saturday morning, i started pulling out christmas decorations and setting the trees up. also, in hopes of returning to normal, i started planning a menu for the week (which i havent done in several weeks).

sometimes recipes just come to mind, other times i have to hunt them down. this was a hunting expedition. in my stack of cookbooks, i found bub's family cookbook which contained recipes written by aunts, cousins, mom and granny. i will tell you - this book is one of my favorite things. i will be using these recipes for several meals this week. im so thankful for the meals granny provided and for a way to (almost) duplicate them.

i got two trees set up. last year, we didnt decorate for christmas at all. we had just moved in, and i hardly knew where my shoes were - i wasnt about to start dragging out decorations. this did pose a bit of a problem in decorating this year. there were boxes of decorations in several different places in my house and garage. i found one box, a blue box with snowmen on the outside, that i didnt remember seeing before. when i opened the box, tears filled my eyes and my heart hurt just a little. that mystery box was full of little nutcracker ornaments that my grandma had given me. the christmas before she died, grandma decided to clean out her christmas decorations since she 'wouldnt use them again'. this is my third christmas without her, but i am so thankful to have received a gift from her this year.

when i look around my house, i see little reminders of our grandmas in every room. the christmas tree, the fire extinguisher lamp, the canisters, the tables, the dishes - so many of my favorite things.

every day

there are a few things that happen every day around here. its good to have a constant in life, and i usually have more than one. i will take this opportunity to share some of my constants with you, and elaborate on a few, because thats what i do. i share.

every day i wake up. this is a good thing, compared to the alternative.
every day i make some coffee. this is a good thing, compared to the alternative.
every day someone snuggles me. i like that. unless im sleeping. then i want everyone out of my space.
every day i cook something. (which would suggest that every day i wash some dishes, but this is not the case, my friend.)
every day i wash, dry and put away at least one load of laundry.
every day my family tells me that they love me. i would not trade that for anything.
every day i think about my grandma and how much i miss her.
every day i wonder if this will be the day i vacuum my floors, its usually not.
every day my son asks who is picking him up from school, every day i wish it was me, its usually not.
every day my daughter changes clothes at least 3 times.
every day i wish i had more time with my husband than our busy lives allow us
every day i sing
every day i dread the state of sissy's room, so i try to avoid it
every day i learn something new. today it was that my darling son has discovered that if you get toilet paper wet and wad it up in a ball it will stick on the wall, the mirror and the cabinet doors when you throw it. im so glad to have learned this.
every day my daughter wants to wear lipstick, and i want her to never grow up
every day i want to wear pajamas all day long
every day i write. sometimes its just a grocery list, but i write.
every day i think about getting my eyes checked because i have a headache, then i remember how i hated wearing glasses and i put it off again.
every day i try to be a little less negative than the day before. im not very good at this. no comment please.
every day my son tells me "momma you are the best cooker. you make the best food in the world, thank you for supper." (always supper. even if i cooked breakfast or lunch)
every day my kitty cat grabs my leg with her two front paws and cackles at me so i will pick her up, and when i do she lays her head close to me and purrs a "thanks mom". i like her.
every day i talk to my mom, and im so glad i can.
every day i plan some new 'working from home' scheme
every day i run out of time (and energy) to do all the things i want to do

macarena

four cups of masa, four cups of beef broth, a whole slew of corn husks and some roasted poblanos can only mean one thing around this house: we are all dancing the macarena (aye).
oh. no we're not.
at the request of a certain beloved co-worker of mine, its mexican pot-luck day and im making tamales. its quite an undertaking, i must say. hopefully they will be worth it. last night when i was spreading masa on the corn husks, bub walked in and laughed (thank you very much). i looked at him lovingly and said "WHAT?!" i may have sorta barked in rather than just said it, but it was late and i was tired and he was laughing. brat.
he said "you arent afraid to try anything are you?" i told him that no i was not afraid and i continued to slather masa. i asked what he was afraid to try, and he paused for a minute.
what he said next, i will never forget: "CiCi's pizza. im afraid to try that."
remarkable. after all these years, i never knew.
even more remarkable was what happened next: he helped finish the tamales. seldom do i ask for help in the kitchen. there are a few reasons for that, but the most influential reason for my kitchen independence is that im fairly sure that i am the only one who can do it right so get out of my way you crazy man.
anyway, he braved the kitchen with me and now the tamales are steaming away on the stove top. he may have had an impure motive. bub likes to have me snuggled up on the couch with him while he watches tv in the evenings. if im building tamales, im not snuggled on the couch.
when we finished in the kitchen, you should know, i went straight to the couch.
i understand him and his plotting. thats why we work so well together.
another possible reason for bub's contribution in la cocina is his hope for a tamale of his own. i will leave him one. ONE.
by the way, please dont tell him that he is not mexican, because he believes that he is. he loves all things mexican. the food, the culture, the people, the macarena - all. things. mexican. it would break his heart if he knew he was a guero. yes, there are some light skinned, green eyed mexicans, hes not one.
anyway, to re-cap, i made tamales. bub helped. he is afraid of CiCi's. hes not mexican.

how could i forget

anniversary #7... or 8... im not sure.
anyway, bub told me to look fancy. so i did. mom watched the kids, i wore black heels and off we went.
to the tattoo shop. for several hours. bub got himself a fancy tattoo for our anniversary.
then we went out to a fancy FANCY restaurant. where our debit card would not work. we knew we had money - certainly enough to cover dinner that night and it didnt make sense. the waiter said that "this sort of thing happens all the time, and it would be ok to pay tomorrow." even though that was really nice, it was crazy that the card didnt work. so bub walked down the street (while i sat alone) to the ATM and got some cash out. no problem. weird. whatever. we paid for dinner and went on our way.
...to the hotel we stayed at on our wedding night. we didnt get a room, bub dropped me off at the door and said he had made an appointment for me to have a massage at their spa. seemed perfect. i didnt take my purse or my phone or even my lipstick. he had taken care of everything. ~except that the spa had changed locations. i didnt have my phone to call him and tell him to come get me, so i used the phone at the front desk to call my husband so he could rescue me.

after the tattoo shop, the dumb debit card, and the disappearing spa, i had had enough. we went home. braums was closed by that time, so i didnt even eat ice cream.

your song

due to the fact that today marks the 10th anniversary of our wedded bliss, i have been remembering our other anniversaries and the celebrations that they have been. i have also been sending bub love songs all day. its romantic.

first of all, there were only 4 that were very memorable because after the fourth one, i had children and no more memory. i dont know what happens when children enter our lives, but moms all over the world will give a heart-felt AMEN when i say these words: i cannot complete a thought. i cannot remember my name. i dont know what day it is or when i last shampooed my hair. (yes i do. i added that part for emphasis). that being said, i have no idea what we did on our 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, or 9th anniversary. not a clue. sorry.

i do know that i forgot to leave a house key or the garage door opener for bub yesterday and he was left to wander the streets with the kids for hours until i left work, but that is neither here nor there. "why?" you ask "does bub not have his own house key?" well, i will tell you why.
it broke off in the door. not much use to him now.

ok. anniversaries. here goes.

#1: spent our first anniversary at the hotel monaco in new orleans. bub's cousin was getting married that weekend so we went. we ate well. we saw many strange and exciting things. the wedding cake was not a wedding cake at all, but cupcakes. bub saw the marsalis brothers at the funky butt, another story for another day. there were beignets. there were au laits. there was gumbo. there was zydeco dancing. it was lovely.

#2: went to hot springs to visit friends where we were pleased to find our own bedroom, bathroom, living room set up with fresh flowers and an anniversary gift. the gift was for a 'bath' at buckstaff baths there in hot springs. it was memorable, and slightly disturbing as there was much more nakedness than i was expecting (boys and girls were separate before you get all antsy about it) and i never have-- never will drink bath water again. weird. and did i mention the nakedness? oh. and we climbed a mountain. (i use the term 'climbed' loosely. with a brother who is a professional climber, i am fully aware of my shortcomings where mountain climbing is involved.)

#3: traveled to arkansas to visit our dear friends who we met the year before at a preaching conference. this lovely couple sat in our room and played spades with us. you should know that i do not play many games. especially with strangers. in fact, spades is the only card game i know how to play -- well, other than go fish. anyway, we visited them. it was nice.

#4: i was pregnant. very pregnant. my friend (who shall remain nameless) said i was the biggest pregnant person she had ever seen. we went to dinner at one of our favorite steak places and the host sat us in a booth. me and my belly were too big to sit between the seat and the table. it was awful. i did not tell the waitress that my belly did not fit, i just sat sideways. then we went to the mall. for a minute. just til i got too tired to keep walking.

anniversaries are fun. always exciting. always. tonight, for example, we had dinner with bub's family - parents, two brothers, two sisters-in-law and 6 nieces/nephews (plus our own two kids)
like i said... always exciting.
im exhausted.