it has been a long while since the last time i wrote a word on this page. in the recent weeks, i have come to a specific and important understanding of the world around me: i would be just fine in a secluded area. possibly a little cabin in the woods - with all the amenities, naturally.
i like quiet. i like simple. i do not require much, food, shelter, climate control.
people make me crazy.
'stuff' makes me crazy.
my blood pressure makes me crazy.
i have an anxiety problem.
im going to look for my cabin. where its quiet.
--oh .and holidays make me crazy.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
sit down youre rockin the boat
often, as i clean, i lament the fact that i am cleaning. sometimes it helps to sing.
one thing you may not know about me is that i am a freelance composer/arranger. now that you know this, please enjoy the following adaptation from 'guys and dolls' -
i dreamed last night i was working in my kitchen, and by some chance my kids were there with me
and there i stood - looking half-way dead and haggard, i heard something that i couldnt quite believe:
my kids both said "sit down. sit down, we'll take care of this---" my kids both said "sit down, sit down we'll take care of this!"
"these chores, they will drag you under - but we will run a tight ship, sit down! sit down! sit down! sit down! sit down, we'll take care of this."
sitting now, with my kids there in my kitchen and there he came, that ol man im married to-
he walked right in taking charge of the situation with words i'll never hear again:
my husband said "relax. relax i'll do every bit---" my husband said "relax. relax i'll do every bit"
"i'll sweep and dust and wash and fold -relax i'll do every bit."
and as i sat, relaxing with my coffee, a great big scream woke me from this dream of mine.
two raggamuffin kids were screaming at each other and my fantasy was left far behind
i heard myself say "stop-stop that and leave her alone!" i heard myself say "stop - stop that and leave her alone"
"you scream and yell and mess and gripe - stop that leave each other alone!"
one thing you may not know about me is that i am a freelance composer/arranger. now that you know this, please enjoy the following adaptation from 'guys and dolls' -
i dreamed last night i was working in my kitchen, and by some chance my kids were there with me
and there i stood - looking half-way dead and haggard, i heard something that i couldnt quite believe:
my kids both said "sit down. sit down, we'll take care of this---" my kids both said "sit down, sit down we'll take care of this!"
"these chores, they will drag you under - but we will run a tight ship, sit down! sit down! sit down! sit down! sit down, we'll take care of this."
sitting now, with my kids there in my kitchen and there he came, that ol man im married to-
he walked right in taking charge of the situation with words i'll never hear again:
my husband said "relax. relax i'll do every bit---" my husband said "relax. relax i'll do every bit"
"i'll sweep and dust and wash and fold -relax i'll do every bit."
and as i sat, relaxing with my coffee, a great big scream woke me from this dream of mine.
two raggamuffin kids were screaming at each other and my fantasy was left far behind
i heard myself say "stop-stop that and leave her alone!" i heard myself say "stop - stop that and leave her alone"
"you scream and yell and mess and gripe - stop that leave each other alone!"
already gone
what is it with 5 year-olds and teeth? maybe its just my 5 year-old and her teeth. maybe im alone here.
a few adjective that will set the scene for you. they describe my darling daughter.
*dramatic
*excitable
*goosey
*brilliant
*chatty
there has been a wiggly tooth in her mouth for a few weeks now. it really needed to come out, because the new tooth was coming in behind it instead of under it, so shes been working on it daily. (this would be a good time to tell you that i do not pull teeth. i dont want to see them wiggle. i dont want to feel how loose they are getting. i want no part of it.)
wednesday marked the end of the battle of girl vs. tooth. actually, it became bub vs. tooth, which really was the deciding factor. anytime you want to win, especially against a tooth, you want bub on your team. truth be told, the tooth was probably not ready to come out. it took some work. i heard her let out an open-mouthed "auauuahh!" a few times and they had to take several breaks. the solution to all the yelling was that sissy had to hold my hand. that meant that i was close by when the tooth came out with a pop. nasty nasty nasty. anyway, there was blood. blood pretty well freaks her out.
eventually she calmed down and went to sleep.
here was the next problem: shes been coughing so much at night that she doesnt really sleep very well. she started out in her bed. moved to the recliner, woke up coughing, threw up, i held her on the couch, she went back to sleep, i went back to bed. she woke up coughing, slept in her sleeping bag on my floor holding my hand, bub went to work, she got in bed with me. do you see the problem? where does the tooth fairy go? i dont even know where it ended up. bub was in charge of that. it all worked out.
when sissy got up, she celebrated her increased wealth and holey mouth by pictures and/or phone calls to grandparents. the most notable was the call to my dad. he asked what she was going to do with her money, she said she would buy everyone presents, even the cat. she informed papa that she had "pinky-promised jingle that there would be a collar and kitty toys". as the conversation continued, sissy informed her papa that there was a "pond of blood in her mouth".
i probably should have included "descriptive" in the list above.
a few adjective that will set the scene for you. they describe my darling daughter.
*dramatic
*excitable
*goosey
*brilliant
*chatty
there has been a wiggly tooth in her mouth for a few weeks now. it really needed to come out, because the new tooth was coming in behind it instead of under it, so shes been working on it daily. (this would be a good time to tell you that i do not pull teeth. i dont want to see them wiggle. i dont want to feel how loose they are getting. i want no part of it.)
wednesday marked the end of the battle of girl vs. tooth. actually, it became bub vs. tooth, which really was the deciding factor. anytime you want to win, especially against a tooth, you want bub on your team. truth be told, the tooth was probably not ready to come out. it took some work. i heard her let out an open-mouthed "auauuahh!" a few times and they had to take several breaks. the solution to all the yelling was that sissy had to hold my hand. that meant that i was close by when the tooth came out with a pop. nasty nasty nasty. anyway, there was blood. blood pretty well freaks her out.
eventually she calmed down and went to sleep.
here was the next problem: shes been coughing so much at night that she doesnt really sleep very well. she started out in her bed. moved to the recliner, woke up coughing, threw up, i held her on the couch, she went back to sleep, i went back to bed. she woke up coughing, slept in her sleeping bag on my floor holding my hand, bub went to work, she got in bed with me. do you see the problem? where does the tooth fairy go? i dont even know where it ended up. bub was in charge of that. it all worked out.
when sissy got up, she celebrated her increased wealth and holey mouth by pictures and/or phone calls to grandparents. the most notable was the call to my dad. he asked what she was going to do with her money, she said she would buy everyone presents, even the cat. she informed papa that she had "pinky-promised jingle that there would be a collar and kitty toys". as the conversation continued, sissy informed her papa that there was a "pond of blood in her mouth".
i probably should have included "descriptive" in the list above.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
live out loud
frequently, i hear phrases that stick with me. they confuse, shock, entertain and irritate me. because i am a generous, self-less, giving, kind (insert other desirable attribute here) person, i will share a few with you.
my son says (at 6:30 in the morning) "mom how do they make footballs?"
bub says "you know those trucks that people sell food out of? i think that would be a good gig for you."
that boy again "mom i think you need some of that pro-active solution for your face"
sissy says "no you dont. wait, let me see your face... oh, well, maybe right over here, but the rest is pretty."
my mother, on the day i choose not to wear 4 inch heels "hey, youre short..."
yes. mother. i am.
daddy says "when i build a kitchen for you (referring to a commercial kitchen), what would you like?" i answer, "daddy, you let me design that kitchen and we will all be happy" --- he said ok. (i will keep you posted on that)
sissy: "you are the best mom in the whole world. i never want to be without you." (after our crazy morning yesterday, she still felt this way.)
me: "sissy!! where are you? what are you DOING?" her: "im washing the dishes. youre tired."
baby boy: "i hate my freckles. theyre brown. i hate brown. i dont want it on my face."
sissy, after doing something nice for her auntie "mom, aunt casey says that if i play my cards right, she will do something fun with me. mom, we dont even PLAY cards. what is she talking about?"
ok- this is a long one. it could get confusing, but it will be the last, so bear with me...
i will set it up for you.
i had just recently started my job. i work with my mom. she cant always hear me when i speak.
me: "i wish i didnt like coke so much. sometimes it makes my heart race"
her: "WHAT did you say?"
me: "i wish i didnt like coke so much. sometimes it makes my heart race"
her: "oh! i thought you said you wish you didnt like CURT so much, sometimes he makes your heart race!"
oy.
my son says (at 6:30 in the morning) "mom how do they make footballs?"
bub says "you know those trucks that people sell food out of? i think that would be a good gig for you."
that boy again "mom i think you need some of that pro-active solution for your face"
sissy says "no you dont. wait, let me see your face... oh, well, maybe right over here, but the rest is pretty."
my mother, on the day i choose not to wear 4 inch heels "hey, youre short..."
yes. mother. i am.
daddy says "when i build a kitchen for you (referring to a commercial kitchen), what would you like?" i answer, "daddy, you let me design that kitchen and we will all be happy" --- he said ok. (i will keep you posted on that)
sissy: "you are the best mom in the whole world. i never want to be without you." (after our crazy morning yesterday, she still felt this way.)
me: "sissy!! where are you? what are you DOING?" her: "im washing the dishes. youre tired."
baby boy: "i hate my freckles. theyre brown. i hate brown. i dont want it on my face."
sissy, after doing something nice for her auntie "mom, aunt casey says that if i play my cards right, she will do something fun with me. mom, we dont even PLAY cards. what is she talking about?"
ok- this is a long one. it could get confusing, but it will be the last, so bear with me...
i will set it up for you.
i had just recently started my job. i work with my mom. she cant always hear me when i speak.
me: "i wish i didnt like coke so much. sometimes it makes my heart race"
her: "WHAT did you say?"
me: "i wish i didnt like coke so much. sometimes it makes my heart race"
her: "oh! i thought you said you wish you didnt like CURT so much, sometimes he makes your heart race!"
oy.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
bad day
first off, let me send a great big THANK YOU to daniel powder for naming a song 'bad day.' it sure helps me keep my theme going.
this could also be called several not-so-nice things, or 'confessions of a terrible parent' but i guess no one wanted to write songs with those names.
8:15am: i wake sissy up. normally she gets up between 6:30 and 7:00, but she has not been sleeping well due to her persistant cough, so i let her sleep in. upon waking, she began to complain about going to school, because she would rather stay in bed. this is not typical for her, she loves school - today she loved the bed more. i told her 'i know you would rather stay in bed, but get up anyway. get dressed. go. now.' ~and she got up.
still 8:15ish: i ask baby boy to put his coat on and run to mimi's to get my purse. (she lives two houses away. we ate with her last night and i left my purse.) he did as i asked with not a bit of resistance. he might be perfect.
i dry my hair. it takes about 5 minutes.
8:25am: i turn off the hair dryer in time to hear the back door close. expecting to see my son, i am shocked at the sight of my darling daughter -- wrapped in mimi's jacket, barefoot. she did not go get dressed, she went outside in the 30 degree weather. she ran around the neighborhood! (or two houses away--same thing if you ask me) naked! (or in a sleeveless night gown-- same thing if you ask me) barefoot! truly. well, i'll tell you, but i hate to, i lost it. there were screams and tears and spanking. i mean, she needed it, but seriously. i was so mad at that child, i was shaking. she could have frozen to death. or been kidnapped. or her cough could get worse. or my grandmother could have had the confirmation she needed to go ahead and decide i was grossly incapable of parenting. all these things were true, and we still needed to get to the school by 8:45. i dressed her. forcefully. i brushed her hair. with exceptional vigor.
8:40am: we leave the house, the two of us girls both crying - my son in compliant silence (possibly paralyzed by fear) i continue to drive my point home as we journey to the school house.
8:45am: (yes, our house is that close to the school) arrive at school, kiss her, hug her, love her- send her on her way.
8:50am: arrive at my (still silent) son's school -kiss him, hug him, love him send him on his way.
8:52: text bub telling him that things had gone terribly wrong and i had totally lost my temper with his darling daughter. he makes sure she is not hurt and goes on about his business.
9:20am: i arrive at work and discuss the morning's events with my friend who assures me that my children will not hate me, they will be normal, and she will not be calling dhs. i begin to calm down and actually start working... at work... thats what youre supposed to do.
11:00am: i realize i am supposed to be picking up my children at school. i forgot. fortunately, there was a man in the 'pick-up-your-kids line' who had drifted off to sleep in the sunny cabin of his truck and blocked all traffic. because of him, no one knew i was late. so, in addition to thanking daniel powder, i would like to thank the sleepy man who blocked traffic therefore avoiding additional injuries to my daughter's psyche.
11:25am: sissy gets in the car all happy and bouncy telling me about her day and teaching me new songs. there is no mention of the events of the morning. i remember to give her the garage door opener so that bub can get in the house later (else this story would have been even longer)
11:45am: i am now calm enough to eat a quarter pounder with cheese (hold the onions), fries and a coke as i drive back to work.
the end.
this could also be called several not-so-nice things, or 'confessions of a terrible parent' but i guess no one wanted to write songs with those names.
8:15am: i wake sissy up. normally she gets up between 6:30 and 7:00, but she has not been sleeping well due to her persistant cough, so i let her sleep in. upon waking, she began to complain about going to school, because she would rather stay in bed. this is not typical for her, she loves school - today she loved the bed more. i told her 'i know you would rather stay in bed, but get up anyway. get dressed. go. now.' ~and she got up.
still 8:15ish: i ask baby boy to put his coat on and run to mimi's to get my purse. (she lives two houses away. we ate with her last night and i left my purse.) he did as i asked with not a bit of resistance. he might be perfect.
i dry my hair. it takes about 5 minutes.
8:25am: i turn off the hair dryer in time to hear the back door close. expecting to see my son, i am shocked at the sight of my darling daughter -- wrapped in mimi's jacket, barefoot. she did not go get dressed, she went outside in the 30 degree weather. she ran around the neighborhood! (or two houses away--same thing if you ask me) naked! (or in a sleeveless night gown-- same thing if you ask me) barefoot! truly. well, i'll tell you, but i hate to, i lost it. there were screams and tears and spanking. i mean, she needed it, but seriously. i was so mad at that child, i was shaking. she could have frozen to death. or been kidnapped. or her cough could get worse. or my grandmother could have had the confirmation she needed to go ahead and decide i was grossly incapable of parenting. all these things were true, and we still needed to get to the school by 8:45. i dressed her. forcefully. i brushed her hair. with exceptional vigor.
8:40am: we leave the house, the two of us girls both crying - my son in compliant silence (possibly paralyzed by fear) i continue to drive my point home as we journey to the school house.
8:45am: (yes, our house is that close to the school) arrive at school, kiss her, hug her, love her- send her on her way.
8:50am: arrive at my (still silent) son's school -kiss him, hug him, love him send him on his way.
8:52: text bub telling him that things had gone terribly wrong and i had totally lost my temper with his darling daughter. he makes sure she is not hurt and goes on about his business.
9:20am: i arrive at work and discuss the morning's events with my friend who assures me that my children will not hate me, they will be normal, and she will not be calling dhs. i begin to calm down and actually start working... at work... thats what youre supposed to do.
11:00am: i realize i am supposed to be picking up my children at school. i forgot. fortunately, there was a man in the 'pick-up-your-kids line' who had drifted off to sleep in the sunny cabin of his truck and blocked all traffic. because of him, no one knew i was late. so, in addition to thanking daniel powder, i would like to thank the sleepy man who blocked traffic therefore avoiding additional injuries to my daughter's psyche.
11:25am: sissy gets in the car all happy and bouncy telling me about her day and teaching me new songs. there is no mention of the events of the morning. i remember to give her the garage door opener so that bub can get in the house later (else this story would have been even longer)
11:45am: i am now calm enough to eat a quarter pounder with cheese (hold the onions), fries and a coke as i drive back to work.
the end.
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