better things

little things have begun to impact me.

like seeing my baby boy laying in his bed smiling this morning, "just listening to the thunder and the rain, momma. i like it!"

like sissy crawling up in my lap "momma i just want to hold you today."

like the text from bub "i love you SO much"

like the meal after meal after meal my mom made while i was sick this past week

like the ever-readiness my grandma displays any time i need help with the kids, or need a paint tray, or a ladder, or some peanut butter.

like the collection of state quarters my grandpa made for my baby girl

like the friends who always see through my bravado and ask whats really going on

like the sparkling, jingling, dangly heart ring i got for valentines day from bub and the kids

like the magic of excedrine migraine

like the magic of coke

like dreaming my friend, who is very beautiful and elegant, was crawling through a hole in my fence to come over for dinner - as if that was the most natural way for a guest to arrive

its the little things, friends, that make or break us.

reason to believe

...and other such songs infiltrate my thoughts at 2 a.m. when nothing even remotely resembling sleep will come. what a time to choose to ponder the significant things of life. and to pay some bills. both very productive.
i have a respectable arsenal of song lyrics and movie lines floating around this drowsy little head of mine, and sometimes they get in the way of coherent thought. for example, earlier this evening when bub asked me to pray for him. (i knew that it wasnt an off the cuff gonna-have-a-hard-day-so-say-a-little-prayer request. hes been pretty sick and he wanted me to pray for him before he went to sleep in hopes of feeling better when morning came).
so i started my prayer: "Lord, i come before you tonight (a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her...*ahem*) and then i regained my focus, finished my prayer-to my utter relief, without quoting any other song or movie- and he drifted off to dream land.
i often begin prayers in the shower. its one of the only places on earth that im alone, so i choose the quiet of the moment to pray. even then, sometimes the best intended prayer begins something like this: "God on high, hear my prayer... in my need, you have always been there... and i finish the song from here before i regain composure to finish my prayer, and often, by this point, there are children knocking on the door telling me that "he did this" or "she did that." and all hope for reverence is lost.
i did pray for my darling husband tonight, honestly, openly - voiced my fears and my pleas. it wasnt all that articulate, as i was fighting the rush of lyrics and the like, but it was honest. isnt that the only way to pray?

whats new pussycat?

i've had lots of time on my hands these past few days. sleeplessness results in creative thought, or something. maybe its delirium. either way, i've been thinking about my cat. she is delightful and i cant remember ever being mad at her.
as a kid, i always had dogs; fat dogs, skinny dogs, dogs that climbed on rocks (and they all loved hot dogs.) being a cat parent was completely foreign to me. that is, until my darling brother-in-law brought me a cat for Christmas. i dont know why he did it, but he did. her name was kali, short for kalikimaka. she was all white and she loved to take showers. a darling little kitty who loved us as much as we loved her. it was a sad day when she died from feline leukemia. several years passed before we decided to adopt another kitty, and when we did it was for our baby girl, who wanted absolutely nothing for Christmas if she didnt get a cat.
we found jingle. she is perfect. she has survived two toddlers with great poise and patience, she also made friends with the biggest labrador retriever i have ever seen.
my jingle kitty has several attractive attributes that i was reminded of last night in my restlessness as she comforted me. i decided to list a few for you.

1) she is loving; every time we come in the door, she runs to find us and lays down on her back waiting for someone to rub her tummy
2) she is caring; if one of us is upset, she will snuggle up and purr in an effort to comfort us.
3) she is responsible; she spends her nights sleeping with sissy, where ever sissy may be sleeping.
4) she is gentle; when one of the kids plays a little too rough, she patiently waits for her captors to release her instead of clawing her way out.
5) she is reliable; when her food or water is running low, she kindly mews and nuzzles to get our attention, then leads us to her food and water bowls to show us the state of need.

i love her.

i will survive

this particular song has special significance for me, as it is the only song i have ever created my own dance moves for. if you've never seen these moves, im sorry. if you would like to see them, just let me know and i will be more than happy to perform for you.

much responsibility comes with this blogging gig. it is important for me to impart specific helpful information as i discover it. today, i have a very good tip for you.

if you are sick and you choose to administer nyquil by the shot glass (just to make being sick a little more fun? i dont know why.) be careful that you do not drop said shot glass into the garbage disposal-- but if it does somehow end up in the garbage disposal, dont turn the disposal on. bad things happen.

youre welcome.

the show must go on

huh. kinda makes me wish i was listening to some queen right now instead of watching whatever crazy movie bub has on. oh well.

i woke up yesterday morning feeling worse than i have felt in a long long time. (i blame my boss who came to work sick this week.) i dont get sick often. i have the occasional sore throat and cough, but not sick. i actually havent been to a doctor in 5 years. none. the insurance company loves me. so now i feel horrible. tried to make an appointment at my father in law's office, but they were booked and suggested i visit urgent care. well i wasnt in need of urgent care, so my no-doc-cycle continues. not to worry, bub has made up for my absence of visits with his plethora of friendly family doctor buds.

it wasnt such a good day to be sick, bub had an appointment to have a scope of his esophagus done, which requires gobs of patience on my part. they gave him demerol. demerol makes bub combative (at best). he tries to remove ID bracelets, oxygen and anything else that might be bothering him, like that pesky little IV. i have an awfully hard time dealing with him in these situations, especially when im sick. and i am sick. he got home and slept for 6 hours, but when he woke, he woke with flu-like symptoms.

when we got home, my baby boy was very upset that i wasnt feeling well, he didnt know what we would do if mom was sick. everything would surely fall to ruin. luckily, he was there to save the day. my darling boy brought blankets, water, socks and made himself some cereal so i wouldnt have to move. he saved the day.

sis was to go to the theater with her grandparents last night. the evening was cut short when she got sick at dinner. that means EVERYONE except little-bit was sick. not to worry. baby brother took care of her as well. when she asked him for some water, he said "it would be my pleasure." thats when my heart melted.

this morning, however, he woke up sick, too. my mom saved the day by bringing groceries, lunch AND supper. what would i ever do without her?!

its good to know that the world keeps turning even when i dont want to get out of my pajamas... or my bed.

never change

i have a lot on my mind today.
heavy hearted, you might say.

when the unexpected tragedies of life occur, even when they are not directly connected to me, my soul aches just for a while. this week i have been made aware of some things that just arent right.

there was a meeting at our office the other day about human trafficking. when i heard the topic i thought it was a strange thing to have a meeting about, then i learned that it is a major problem in our city. with two major highways intersecting, drugs arent the only thing traded in the networks of criminals. i wasnt in the meeting, and im glad. there are things i choose not to know about. an awareness is one thing, details are very much another.

last night a local pastor died in a motorcycle accident. he left the church to go home and get his wife so she could be with him at the evening meal and church service, but he never made it to his wife. i woke up a lot last night thinking of this family, praying for this family and for this church, i just wonder if they got any rest at all.

my baby boy isnt feeling well. hes been complaining about his stomach (which i thought was a ploy to stay up late.) it seems to be bothering him more, because last night when i threatened with the emergency department, he said he thought we should go. we didnt go. i got him to relax and get some sleep. hes still asleep now, and i have my fingers crossed that hes feeling better when he gets up. its such a helpless feeling when i have a baby who is sick. i cant do anything to make him better.

it never changes- bad stuff happens.
and when it does, i try to remember one simple phrase: ..."but God..."
He is rich in mercy. He is satisfying. He is in control. He is prophet, priest and King.
bad stuff happens, but God is God.
i have been encouraged beyond words to be a part of a church where people get it. i have seen deacons serving, a pastor weeping, a congregation praying, and i think to myself, "this is the church being the church." in the midst of all the bad, sometimes i cant help but see the good. --even if its not a natural thing for me.

bottle of red, bottle of white

ok, so tits not the prettiest soup in the world, but girrrrrlll its tasty. when this was simmering away on my stove top i told bub "mmmm. our kitchen smells like a cottage in the south of France." naturally, he agreed. we dont know first hand what a cottage in the south of France smells like, but this is how we imagine it. try it and i know you will instantly be transported to... well.... the south of France.

it has chicken thighs. for some reason, i am drawn to thighs. i feel that there is a connection there for me. this is a rich and delicious soup that we enjoy with yeast rolls.
here 'tis.

10 chicken thighs - skin removed
3 tablespoons olive oil
5 medium potatoes (skins intact)
1 large onion
4 carrots peeled, cut to 1 inch pieces
1 pt sliced mushrooms
1/2 bottle dry red wine
1/2 bottle dry white wine
1 pint chicken broth
1 teaspoon dried rosemary
1 tablespoon dried parsley
1 tablespoon dried oregano
salt to taste (i used 2 1/2 tablespoons)
pepper to taste (i used 2 teaspoons)

in a large dutch oven heat olive oil on medium high heat, place all chicken thighs in the dutch oven. let them sit for 6-8 minutes then turn. after 6-8 more minutes, add wine and broth. cut potatoes to 1 inch pieces add these and all other ingredients except onions and mushrooms and simmer for 40 minutes stirring only occasionally. onions and mushrooms can go in after 40 minutes, cook until tender - about 15 minutes.
oh golly its good. not pretty, but good.

yesterday

'yesterday' here is used figuratively - as if to say 'in times past'.

when bub, the kids and i moved to our casa linda, we had long lists of projects to complete. some of them have been exactly what we hoped they would be, and i will now tell you of those projects.

when you have a floor in a dining room and kitchen, for example, that is covered with orange shag carpet, your naturaly desire is to what? yes? girl in the red sweater? what would you want to do? --she said change it. shes right. you want to change it.

so what happens when you pull up the carpet and find a loooonnnnggg crack in the cement? you dont want to tile, what if the crack gets bigger and the tile breaks? sure, you could lay wood down, but who budgets for that sort of thing? not us. i say you cover it with paper.

heres what we did: we bought 5 rolls of brown paper (like you would use when shipping a package) 4 gallons of water-based polyurethane.
clean the floor. tear pieces of paper in any shape or size. use the polyurethane as a glue to stick the paper down, then cover the paper to seal it to the floor. we have about 5 coats of poly on our floor and it looks fantastic. (you can get the stuff that dries really fast) this is what you get:





we were so happy with the results that i went out and bought scrap booking paper to try the same thing in the laundry room.
...and we love it.

a word of caution: if you have any small animals or small children,
you might want to lock them in another room. i may or may not have
seen our sweet little kitty using all of her strength to walk across a nearly dry polyurethane-ed floor. shes still mad at me.

oh- and up-keep is simple - add a coat or two of poly each year to keep your floor looking fresh and new. it cleans up with a broom and a damp rag. easy peasy.

beth

maybe you do, and maybe you dont know the words to the KISS song, beth, and it really doesnt have anything to do with anything. i was thinking about the song because it was supposed to be titled 'beck' since one of the band members was dating a girl named becky and wrote the song for her. one of the other members changed the name to beth and i will never know why.

i've had plenty of time to think of little things like beth over the past few days. i havent gone to work in a week and i might soon lose my mind. i love you work and work friends. i miss you.

i havent left my cozy house since sunday and have been looking at snow drifts since tuesday morning. in the long days and nights of imprisonment i have found ways to stay busy - cooking, painting, re-flooring, cleaning -- but not writing or reading. i did something this morning that i cant remember ever doing before - i read 3 of my favorite bloggers posts. 3 because i havent read it in 3 days. i need to re-evaluate my priorities.

boom boom pow

there is no significance to this title. its the song i keep singing. we're snowed in and im not at all broken up about it. we have had some entertaining conversations already, i will share two.

baby brother: (after running through the house) 'momma!! my heart is beeping!! is that ok?'
me: 'yes thats ok. it needs to not stop beeping'
baby brother: 'well i think i have two hearts now. i can feel it all over the place'
me: 'just one heart. youre ok.'

next...

while listening to the siren of an ambulance--
me: 'hey i saw on the news that in some states they winterize the ambulances and put skis on them. maybe its like a snow mobile. hey! thats a good idea. we should use snow mobiles when its so snowy outside when people need ambulances!'
bub: 'yeah, thats a good idea.'
me: 'i know! just like on the mountains. im brilliant!'
bub: 'you know they drag people down the mountains on those snow mobiles, right? maybe not a good idea-- somebody has a heart attack and you drag them down the street with a snow mobile.'
me: 'oh. maybe that wont work.'


have a nice day.